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Lastnight we were at a party in a dream. We stepped outside and you lit up a cigarette of horseradish.

It was winter and summer at once. I hopped over little piles of snow, crunching ice. It was a beautiful day, and a clear night. We ducked and slid under a porch and crouched in the cool dirt. Sun and grass poked through the spaces between the wood, we were hidden away from the bustling neighborhood. I touched your arm. Your skin was golden and soft. You look fit, I said. You told me you’d been having sex on top of books. It’s been so long, ten years. We’re completely different people I suppose, I smiled and sat with my back against the house. You looked at me, so familiar. You leaned in to kiss me, laughed and our teeth clanked together.

I woke up this morning and a piece of my tooth had chipped off.

first blood

(found this, written a year ago)

I wake before morning
dark, moonlight
surprised to find my body naked
leftover wetness from a dream
smile sweetly, indulging
diagonal on the bed
and in the morning, first blood

potato bugs

we are potato bugs
and that’s ok

you are the most gorgeous person
gorgeous because I like the way
the word sounds thick,
rich and too much

I am blown back by the sun
you make me feel rich
like I should be
we’re so rich
like we should be

a bath or I’m about to be twenty-four

I mix in with the water
first, blood between my legs
then tears
I float
I bled twice as long after fearing pregnancy
I hold my tongue when I mean it
and say what I don’t mean to
I used to love swishing my hair slowly
back and forth like a mermaid
is my voice underwater more or less real?
are our reactions or our decisions
more or less real?
I’m giving her too much of my heart
she doesn’t want it
once, we got to 36 levels of Jenga
which is how I’ve stacked this all up
this morning there were coins in the bed
he said they were stuck to his legs
he’s gonna name the baby August
I’d name a baby August too
don’t compliment my eyes
I said
it’s too easy
he makes me feel sexy and rejected at once
he didn’t save me from hurting
like I thought he would
I want a life with her
beside her
but I want her to be by my side too
we’re teasing out the ends
which is responsibility?
and which is accountability?
I hold my tongue when I mean it
and say what I don’t mean
but sometimes
I’m just telling the truth
I turn on my side
and rest my head on the wall of the tub
I think I’ve done this position before
in my mama’s womb

27 haiku

Last week I wrote and sent 27 valentines. Inside each of them was a personalized haiku.


what’re you afraid of?
think of you watching planes land,
and still want a date.

it’s the way you walk,
hands in pocket, attitude,
like me of you, proud.

remember that time,
you kissed me through the window?
yeah, that was hot.

I know you hate love
this is not a valentine,
’cause the paper’s black.

you, soft and simple
a not so stealth apple thief
bones fused, strong, steady.

so what if you’re gay?
I would still sit on your face,
if you asked me to.

I miss your warm chest,
a place to curl, and yet,
I’m happy you’re well.

tiny little tulip
spry, even-paced and lovely,
not so secret bitch.

revealed your grey
so proud of your graceful strength
love you more than words.

sweet and gentle man,
wish for you soft fur of dog
snow white, with black nose.

such lovely ladies
miss those Betty Davis eyes
come visit some time.

midnight doughnut fight
with you turning vegetable
and love you always.

hot honey hearts,
we let each other under
our precious gold manes.

loved you for your mind,
even more your tender heart
but you still a bitch.

my O. G. lady,
ink-stained apron, golden braids,
and deep whale clicks.

solid foundation,
hope you know that I love you,
miss and cherish you.

glowing like glitter,
your enormous loving heart
no haiku could hold.

how can you leave me?
thousand years I will suffer
without your cute butt.

long grounded fingers,
showing me the light inside
how can I repay?

I hate the way you drive,
but love your sweet face
so it evens out.

I love you so much,
what would I do without you?
I mean, no homo.

not many like you,
a sun in this frigid North,
please don’t ever stop.

your voice ecstasy,
wild stallion on stage
show me your package?

lovely, fat and hot
give us clothes to shake it in,
and love ourselves more.

you, lion tamer
amazing sense of humor,
miss our morning laughs.

lovely precious cub,
I am not longer afraid
to say I love you.

it’s getting warmer
summer comes first in Fairbanks,
I’d let you come first.

nothing like riding a bike

I guess we’re going for it
you told me you didn’t realize
I was a serious and well-read person
I told you that I liked you
but that I should draw clearer boundaries
I don’t know if you have experience with this
but I do
it’s amazing how easily I can slide
back into this role
Sean said it was like riding a bike
you talked about the wonders that tunnels are
blasted through mountains
and the disppointment of coming out on the other side
I thought about how society tells you
that your words are worth more than mine
I brush your silver hair out of your eyes
and wonder why you’re in my bed
I hate the way you kiss
but the desire to kiss you is overwhelming 
later after you’re gone
I think, shit, I guess I’m going to need some condoms