Tag Archives: depression

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even though

even though in the city
I live at the summit of a small mountain
great lanky beasts pass my morning window
that is lined with tokens, a seed, a shell, a rail road spike
I catch myself in the mirror
so grounded, so in love with myself
so proud to have lifted this body
carried it out of places so far behind me
oh my friends, I carry you slung to my hips
when I dance you are there with me
when I move swiftly through the day’s chores
when I cook, dog at my feet catching the stray bits
everything I touch these days is old and new at once
even though in the city
I live at the summit of a glorious mountain


eklutna

all week there’s been this electricity sparking out of me
any song with piano pulling at my heart
same as the fading memory of your gorgeous smile

I had to get out of the city
so I stretched the hand of my gas gage
alone

fireweed burns bold across the side of everything
I admire it like it is something I want to be

something about being on the highway really inspires me
so I sing and sing and compose all these genius lines for poems
and forget to write it all down

all the leaves will be fallen when you come back

I have lived in twenty-three homes
and I have never stuck with something for more than two years
I miss a connection to my native heritage that I’ve never known
as a kid, I too was paralyzed by my fears

I have my father’s teeth
the one who doesn’t know I’m gay
the one who doesn’t know me at all

I drive over the train tracks and through the narrow road
to a clearing that leads to a cliff opening into the ocean
I once heard whales coming up for air in the water below
I want to take you there

I’ve built a thousand walls around myself
that I secretly want you to jump

on my way back, watching the birches yellow
sudden hot tears

I want to scoop seventeen year old me up in my arms
and hold her tight
so that she can know that nothing is forever

weeping for all that sorrow
I make a sincere apology to myself
for ever losing track of the beauty in life

I am so deeply sorry
that I have ever thought about leaving all of this behind
giving up on all these chances

fireweed burns bold across the side of everything
I admire it like it is something I want to be.


whatever

we shared a need mother’s milk of open road
our bodies longed to travel fast
we needed new landscapes to dance beside us

I tried so hard to feel anything
come on,
I need to stand between trees more than a multi vitamin
I need to smell woodsmoke on everything

city existence is sick
sick
homesick
woodsick

fuck it, brilliance is just the ability to say the same thing in an interesting way.

and I’m getting outta here soon.