si

see, the thing is
the last time I saw you
you were fanning stars from your eyes

and I knew it was my fault

I remember the first time I asked to kiss you
summer on the porch

and when granpa died
and I crawled into bed and you held me

I remember asking to call you my girlfriend
wrapped around each other on the little acorns

I remember how you would taste
kissing hello after biking

reading your homework to you
avoiding mine

doing laundry together
holding hands on the bus

morning rituals of kissing you awake
and coffee

your patience
and forgiveness

and when we cried goodbye
in the shower

see, the problem is
I’m grieving all over again

because I’m remembering
all of you that I want
and cannot have.

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