a kiss goodnight

I remember how good you were to me
I remember yellow walls, like butter
I remember feeling uncomfortable, unfamiliar
in the big city
back when I was afraid of new things

I remember your mother’s kind smile
I remember her hands
out of the city I remember the rolling hills
I shrugged my shoulders at them then
but they are breath taking in my memory
I remember the dog sleeping underneath the steps

I remember falling in love with your writing
I wish I could remember it now
I carried your picture around
showing it off, I was so proud of you

I remember my blood staining your bed
a coffee ring on a wooden table
laying in your bed
inspecting your curls, and gentle eyes
I remember your shyness
and my eagerness

I remember watching you play guitar
painting your nails black
singing to you that night on the block before your mother’s home
I remember light through the blinds
the morning your mom caught us together in bed

we played Nine Inch Nails and Tool the first time
I had asked my best friend what cum tasted like
tears, she said
how romantic, I thought
but it didn’t taste like tears

I loved you in whatever way fourteen year olds can love
you know, I’m still the same, back and forth
fickle and confused about love
how might things be different now
if I hadn’t treated your heart like a doormat?

I remember one night you sat on the edge of the bed
tucking me in, under high ceilings
I remember your beautiful sincere face as I closed my eyes
and you softly kissed me goodnight

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