winter is taming me

Snow is clear. But on days like this it washes out everything beyond the block you’re on and I am suddenly content that there is nothing more than this.

I like it when I go to the yarn store and the yarn ladies follow me around asking if they can help me every five minutes like I am going to run out with arm loads of wool blends under my jacket.

I like that my boss is out of town for the next few weeks and I can knit all day at work without fear of being caught.

I like it when my friend George’s accent changes depending on if he’s out with friends or working at his father’s taco cart.

I like my secret plan to steal his girlfriend and make her gay even though it’s not very nice of me.

I like my dog’s bored sighs that fog the window she gazes out of when we run errands.

I like that I am plagued by this wild inspiration that only seems to rush around inside of me while I’m driving so I have to scratch frantic notes or I’ll forget it all. And why is it that my memory lets certain things slip but others I remember so vividly? Like that time I was fucking Little Bird and a cut was stinging on my hand or Friend’s mouth on my palm.

I liked discovering the Womyn’s Dance downtown. I remember thinking that I should go every month and then hearing that the next one wasn’t until April of next year.

I like it when my therapist asks me why I have to go all the way to Fairbanks in order to teach myself to play music and I have to sheepishly admit that maybe it has something to do with my crush on Friend.

I like that I frantically tried to write really intense poems about my abusive ex trying to publicly embarrass me last weekend. But now I am content with these few lines here.

I like this tiny handmade book that Kevin found on the ground that goes like this:

5. Bat’s are more interesting than spiders.
9. Bats are the most useful to farmers.
1. Seeing a bat is a lucky sign.
13. Bats look funny hanging upside down.
7. A bat would make a fun pet.
17. Bat caves are spooky.
16. Bats should live far away from people.
8. Bats are ugly.

The snow flurries on the road make me feel like I am home. The wind pushes at the car and the lanes have disappeared but I am calm and handle the road like no time has passed at all.

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