eklutna

all week there’s been this electricity sparking out of me
any song with piano pulling at my heart
same as the fading memory of your gorgeous smile

I had to get out of the city
so I stretched the hand of my gas gage
alone

fireweed burns bold across the side of everything
I admire it like it is something I want to be

something about being on the highway really inspires me
so I sing and sing and compose all these genius lines for poems
and forget to write it all down

all the leaves will be fallen when you come back

I have lived in twenty-three homes
and I have never stuck with something for more than two years
I miss a connection to my native heritage that I’ve never known
as a kid, I too was paralyzed by my fears

I have my father’s teeth
the one who doesn’t know I’m gay
the one who doesn’t know me at all

I drive over the train tracks and through the narrow road
to a clearing that leads to a cliff opening into the ocean
I once heard whales coming up for air in the water below
I want to take you there

I’ve built a thousand walls around myself
that I secretly want you to jump

on my way back, watching the birches yellow
sudden hot tears

I want to scoop seventeen year old me up in my arms
and hold her tight
so that she can know that nothing is forever

weeping for all that sorrow
I make a sincere apology to myself
for ever losing track of the beauty in life

I am so deeply sorry
that I have ever thought about leaving all of this behind
giving up on all these chances

fireweed burns bold across the side of everything
I admire it like it is something I want to be.

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